Self-confidence feel good about yourself

Self-confidence
Self-confidence is an attitude that people in positive yet realistic views of themselves and may have their situations. Confident people trust their own abilities, a general sense of control over their lives, and I believe that the reason they do in the situation, what they want, plan and wait. With self-confidence does not mean that people do in the situations arise. Confident people have realistic expectations. Even if some of their expectations are not met, they will continue to be positive and to accept.
People who are not safe to depend on the approval of others to feel good about yourself. They tend to avoid risks because they fear failure. In general, they do not expect to be successful. They often depressed and tend to dismiss or ignore compliments paid to them. In contrast, self-confident people are willing to the disapproval of others in danger because they trust their own abilities in general. They tend to accept themselves, they do not feel they fit in, to have to be accepted.
Self-confidence is not necessarily a general property that pervades all aspects of a person's life. In general, the people aspects of their lives where they feel confident enough, for example, academics, athletics, while at the same time they not at all confident, to feel in other areas, such as the personal appearance, social relationships. As confidence Originally developed?
Many factors influence the development of self-confidence. Parental attitudes are the feelings about themselves, especially in the first years of the child for the children. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they can hold towards independence overprotective and moved to believe children are born, that they are incapable, inadequate, or less. However, if the parents encourage, accept the movements of the child towards independence and and love their children when they make mistakes, the children learn to accept yourself and be on your way to develop trust.
Surprisingly, the lack of confidence is not necessarily linked to a lack of capacity. Instead, it is often the result of too much focus on unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially the parents and the society. Friends can be as strong or stronger than those of the parents and society in shaping feelings about yourself influences. Students in the college years rethink values ​​and therefore develop their own identity and are particularly susceptible to the influence of friends. Assumptions continue to influence the confidence
In response to external influences people develop assumptions, some of which are positive and some are harmful. Some assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and other ways of thinking are: Hypothesis: "I always love or approval of any important person in my life." Alternative: He is a perfectionist, unattainable goal. It is more realistic and desirable norms and personal values ​​that are not totally dependent to develop from the consent of the other.
Hypothesis: "I have very competent, adequate, and his achievement in all major areas of my life." Alternative: This is still a perfectionist, unattainable goal and suggests that self-esteem is determined by the implementation. Its performance satisfactory, but is not worth more. Instead, the penalty shall have an inherent quality and all people.
Hypothesis: "My past remains all important and to control my feelings and behaviors in the present." Alternative: If it is true that the trust was particularly susceptible to influences from the outside, as you get older in your childhood, you can be aware of and perspective on what these influences were. In this way you can choose which influences you will continue to afford to have an effect on your life. You do not have to be helpless in the face of past events. Destructive thought patterns
Subscribe to these harmful assumptions leaves you vulnerable to destructive thought patterns following:

    All or nothing thinking. & Daily'm a total failure when my performance is not perfect. "
    Just to see, black clouds. Disaster lurks around every corner and waited. For example, a single negative detail, a piece of criticism or passing comment darkens all reality. Daily and got a C on a test chem, now I'll never be the medical school. "
    Magnification of negative / positive minimization. Good things not as much as the bad role. Daily & know that I won five games in a row, but lose it, I feel terrible about myself. "
    Uncritical acceptance of emotions as truth. Daily & feel ugly, so it must be true. "
    Put too much emphasis on and quotShould statements ". QuotShould and explanations" are often a perfectionist and the reflection of the expectations of others, rather than expressing your own needs and desires. & QuotEveryone should have a career plan when they come to the university. I do not know if it should be something wrong with me. "
    Labeling. The marking is a simple process and gives a feeling of guilt often. & Daily'm a loser, and it's my fault. "
    Difficulty accepting compliments. & QuotYou like this outfit? I think it makes me look fat. "
The following strategies can help to overcome these patterns of self-destructive thinking. To develop strategies to restore confidence

    Focus on the strengths. Give yourself credit for everything you try. By focusing on what you can do, you applaud efforts rather than the importance of the final products. Starting from a base of what you so you can live in your inevitable limitations must.
    Go risks. Approach new experiences as an opportunity, rather than occasions to win or lose to learn. This opens up new possibilities and can increase your sense of self-acceptance. Not every opportunity to turn into an opportunity for the failure, and inhibits personal development.
    Use Self-Talk. Use monologue as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. So you say & quotstop "and substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, if you catch yourself expecting perfection, remember that you are perfect do all that it is possible, try to do things and to try to do well. This allows you all want better to accept.
    Self-assessment. Learn to evaluate independently. This allows you, the constant feeling of restlessness that out to avoid relying solely on the opinions of others comes. Focus internally on how you will feel about your own behavior, work, etc. will prevent a good self esteem and that you give your personal power to others.
Need more help?
If you believe you need assistance in the development of self-confidence, the advice center offers free workshops, focus groups and individual counseling. Dates, times and locations of the workshops are listed periodically in the Daily Illini, or you can use the counseling office at 333-3704 for more informationConfiance call itself
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